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Posted in 18+, Life in General

22 January 2019, update.

It’s now been a month since I stopped taking tramadol and I think I’m finally done with the side effects. I’ve not had a brain zap in a while and my mood has lifted. I’m able to concentrate [as well as I ever did anyway 😂] and I’m sleeping better.

Works going well too and my girls are picking up the new things brilliantly.

That’s not to say January hasn’t thrown us a few curve balls…. MrH’s motorbike had needed a new exhaust 😡. If we wanted to put a genuine Kawasaki replacement the parts alone were priced at over £650, then there would be the cost of fitting it on top. We have opted for a different make saving £400 on the parts but the fitting cost is still to be confirmed.

The engine warning light on my car decided to stay on permanently and an argument with a pothole caused some damage to the airbag sensor a few weeks ago too. We decided that, as she is 16 years old, has almost 98,000 miles on the clock and is starting to show it, the time has come to replace her.

So, new exhaust for the bike and a new car means we won’t be going to any expensive hotels any time soon!

That is of course part of being grown up though isn’t it. Making compromises and deciding what’s most important.

Our son [who turns 21 in October this year and is still at home] is doing his forklift truck licence this week and all being well he will soon be gainfully employed. This means three things…

    He will be out of the house in the day time and if we take time off work we can play freely
    He will have money to go out on a weekend with friends more often so we can play freely
    He will eventually leave home and we can change the locks and play freely!

Now don’t get me wrong I love my boys, I wouldn’t be without them. But I am really looking forward to MrH and I having the house to ourselves!!!

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Posted in 18+, Images

In brief

MrH picks my underwear each day and Fridays I’m not allowed to wear panties (unless otherwise instructed).

This week I was told to wear panties as it was cold. 6 months ago I would have argued. Yesterday I simply said “Yes Sir.”

But it felt strange. I was aware of them all day, and it’s not like I don’t wear them every other day!

Now as soon as I can after work I strip off and pull on a pair of pyjamas. I generally ditch my bra and panties at the same time and on a weekend if we’re not going out I spend all day in my pyjamas (this is mainly during winter I should add) and MrH will be in his “comfy clothes” essentially a T-shirt, jumper/hoodie and lounge pants (otherwise known as pyjama bottoms), so I’m not dressed inappropriately.

But, I got to thinking today, when did we stop wearing actual clothes?

When the boys were young we would be in jeans during the day, or perhaps jogging trousers. But we certainly wouldn’t have been in our pyjamas all day.

There has been a shift I suppose, in society as a whole, and “lounge wear” has become a thing so it’s almost as if it’s acceptable to be in your pyjamas all day. In fact wear We live we have seen people out shopping in night wear – I kid you not – nightdress, slippers and dressing gown!

This relaxed dress code has its advantages of course. You’re definitely comfortable, but, you’re not really “sexy”.

Well my pink stripy pjs are definitely not sexy 😂

There’s something about a man in jeans… well I like MrH in them, the feel of the denim under your hand, the sound of them being opened, the belt opening, the thud as they hit the floor.

Yes I like MrH in jeans. I also like to watch him taking them off. He manages to look graceful!

Me? Well my jeans are skinny jeans. I peel them off me, or MrH pulls them off as I fall over. Not sexy – maybe I should stop trying to be 🤔

Although MrH says I look good in them, I can’t pull off a sexy strip tease to get out of them!

I have all these sexy matching underwear, and MrH rarely sees it. If he’s still in the bedroom as I get dressed he might, but he’s not in the mood to appreciate it then. In a morning we are getting ready for work, time is at a premium.

At night I get ready for bed by going to get shaved and then when MrH comes up I’m naked in bed.

Pre D/s, pre pyjama days, pre bad back, I would have had my sexy undies on all day until we got undressed for bed, and we would have been in the bedroom together, giving MrH opportunity to observe and enjoy.

I can’t help thinking MrH is missing out.

I was hoping to be able to have a picture of a new set to accompany this post but they haven’t yet arrived 😡 so I’m afraid this image will have to do! MrH choice for today, and My boy cat getting in on the action!

See who else is Sinning this Sunday click the link below.

Sinful Sunday

Also check out Kink of the week, this week all about panties/knickers….

Posted in 18+, Life in General

You’ll be ok

Every morning I look through my WordPress feed as I wait to go to work, and this morning there was a post by SubMissy Control Freak that really touched me. So much I decided to share something of my own. I don’t think I’ve seen this prompt before but as I have my own struggles with mental health this is something I feel strongly about.

In 2003 my father died, suddenly. He was 51 and he had a massive heart attack. After the postmortem we discovered that he had in fact had many heart attacks that he had ignored or dismissed as heart burn.

As his eldest child I was 29. He died 9 days after my birthday.

My parents divorced when I was 5 and my brother was 3. We lived in a small mining village and my mum left my dad, for his best friend, a man known for being violent to his wife who had left him, taking their son with her. I remember being wrapped in a sleeping bag, taken from my bed and put into a car. I remember being bewildered and my dad crying.

My mum and stepdad married and had a child together, he is nearly 10 years younger than me and I doted on him as a child.

My dad found happiness with a woman 10 years older than me, and they married a few years after my mum and stepdad said I do. She was 6 months pregnant when they said I do. They had a second child 2 years later. He was only 15 when our dad died.

When he died I felt so bereft.

I had so many things I wanted to ask him.

So many things I wanted to know.

My mum would tell me he had been disappointed when I was born because I was a girl. That he hadn’t wanted me.

My aunt has told me this isn’t true.

In all honesty my mum is a bitch. She says hurtful things. She lashes out when she feels threatened. She felt threatened by how I adored my dad.

But, she hurt me. She made me question how he felt about me.

Within 18 months of his death I had stopped working and was deep in the grips of clinical depression. Somedays I couldn’t get dressed. Our children were 6 and 11. There are times I think I stole their childhood because I was so depressed, I didn’t have the energy to take them places.

My GP treated me in the usual way. Medication and referral to a counsellor.

The counsellor was wonderful. And one session she asked me “why are so you mean to yourself?”

I had no answer. But it made me think. Why am I?

The answer didn’t come easily. But, eventually I had to acknowledge that actually I couldn’t remember my mum ever telling me she was proud of me. I don’t remember being told I was pretty. I don’t remember being told I was loved. I do remember being told I was lazy. I do remember being told I was naughty. I do remember being told I was a disappointment. If I got a B at school my brother would have got an A. He always got A’s. I remember always feeling like I didn’t measure up.

So the counsellor asked me to think about myself differently. She said, “imagine your best friend has just told you everything you have just said. What would you say to her?”

Well that was easy. I would tell her they are not true. That she is wonderful and kind and beautiful. That she is special and important.

I can be kind to others but not myself.

She also said, “if you could go back to that small girl who was scared and frightened. Who didn’t know what was happening when she was put into the car that night. What would you say?”

I told her I would put my arms around her and say, ” you can get through this and you’ll be ok”

Now it took me a while to get to the point I am at now. MrH has been my absolute rock. He is steady and strong. He loves me and cherishes me, even when I don’t love and cherish myself.

The message I want you to take away from this is simply this, be kind to yourself and you’ll be ok.

Sex Bloggers for Mental Health

Posted in 18+, Life in General

More, more, more!

I have a brat in me. I know I do. I am greedy and demanding and petulant at times. I want more. Always more.

More cuddles.

More kisses.

More of him.

More of us.

I cuddle up and breathe him in. I’m safe and his body warms me up (I’m usually cold).

But that petulant brat wants more. She wants him to tell her to suck his cock. She wants him to use the wand on her while She does, and when she’s spent she wants him to do her doggy style and cum deep inside her. I told you that brat in me is very demanding didn’t I?

Mostly I gag her and shush her. After all she’s selfish and I don’t like that side of myself. I don’t want to be “all about me” and what I want because this is a partnership and we each need to be fulfilled.

But I do need to tell MrH what she’s thinking because then if he wants to he can decide to incorporate these into play, and that really does shut her up!


Image courtesy of Disney.

Posted in 18+, Life in General

Cancellations

We were supposed to go away this coming Saturday, but today we have had to take the decision to cancel. Not because we want to particularly but because MrH’s motorbike needs a new exhaust. We hoped it could be repaired but alas no. The money we would spend on our hotel is going to be needed to pay for the repair.

There’s an element of disappointment of course. This would be our first hotel break since the end of November, and we were looking forward to taking pictures and letting our hair down.

Depending on the anticipated costs we could look at going to the local budget hotel but until we speak to the garage tomorrow we won’t be able to make that decision.

We have looked at the Townhouse event guide and hope to get to the rope workshop in March as MrH is not scheduled to be on call the week it’s on! So that will be interesting and hopefully lots of fun too as they have suspension points and lots of space.

I’m trying hard not to allow my disappointment get me down. But unfortunately, it doesn’t take much to pull me back emotionally. This weekend I felt quite wobbly from an emotional point of view. The wand play on Friday was quite intense and Saturday I was at the hairdressers for a few hours. It sounds daft but the time apart from MrH left me feeling distant. Sunday saw me drift further into myself and eventually I asked if I could snuggle and I tried to find my way to him.

At bedtime he got the flogger and cane out, by the time he had finished I was back to myself.

So here we are Monday evening and MrH has just finished his bath. I’m going to go and snuggle because it’s so easy to lie here and play sudoku or solitaire, which has the downside of making me feel distant. My little inner naughty voice likes to argue that if MrH wanted to cuddle me he would tell me to stop playing games but in reality I know he assumes I am content doing what I’m doing. Essentially the naughty voice likes to stir up trouble!!

Posted in 18+, Images

Red

Yesterday I thought I would surprise MrH by recreating his favourite picture with my red shoes on…. naturally he came upstairs when I had only one stocking in place and was all flustered because the only seamed stockings I could find were hold ups and therefore reluctant to fasten into the suspenders!

Being a good sport he left without laughing and promised to return.

When I did I think he liked what he saw. This is his favourite pic…

Click the link to see who else is Sinning this Sunday

Sinful Sunday
Posted in 18+, D/s Experiences

fantastic Friday Fuck

The boy went out again.

“Sir?” I asked “Do you plan to play while he’s out?”

“Yes let’s get the wand out”

For the next 30 minutes MrH used the wand, he brought me to orgasm quickly and kept me there until I squirted.

He brought me there again and again, forced orgasms are so delicious, I loose all sense of self and time and place. I am aware only of what I feel and MrH.

He used my mouth for my cock as he leaned over me with the wand and I took it greedily, eagerly, wantonly.

I’m writing this now, so I don’t fall asleep too soon. I’m so yummy right now.

Posted in 18+, D/s Experiences, rules

Back on it.

The second week of January began with a fizzle….. neither MrH or I wanted to get out of bed on Monday morning when the alarm went off. What a life we could have if only we could win the lottery! Don’t get me wrong I enjoy my job but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be happier spending my day sewing, riding or playing with cats and dogs, and I know MrH would be infinitely happier with a pack of dogs to walk!

But anyway we got up (as you do) eventually and MrH picked my bra colour so I could get dressed. At the appropriate time we set off for work.

Last week MrH told me to order the long audio cable so I could resume sending photos of food and drink as he instructed me last year when our rules were re-defined 8th December 2018, which had fallen down see 13th December 2018 – part 2 and it arrived on Saturday. It is now attached to the speaker at work, a 5m cable it reaches all across the office! I now have no excuses at all, my phone can sit next to my coaster and is visible. So far I’ve sent pics of drinks and food, and told MrH when I have lunch.

The bad tramadol effects seem to have passed completely and if I can work out where my thermal linings are I will be back on my bike to and from work, well I also need to change my visor to the clear one, and give her a good wash, clean the chain of the old crap and lube it back up. I want to price and get fitted some new tyres as the old one has been repaired and they are quite twitchy – not at all grippy – especially in the wet.

MrH’s bike is a bit poorly too, the down pipes have decided to part company from the exhaust box, so Saturday we will take it up to the garage. Hopefully they can repair it without it breaking the bank!

Last night, MrH got the cane out. I counted in my head as I do, only this time he didn’t do sets of 10. It threw me, I think one set was 21, but I can’t fully remember. I detach slightly and when he decides to stop he covers me and cuddles me while I come back round. It probably takes 10 to 15 minutes. I love this time. I feel safe and so calm.

Well, that’s about it for today. I’m off to see who’s about at The Safewords Club. Tuesday evening is chat night 8pm GMT….

Posted in 18+, D/s Experiences

Favourite toys

The sinful Sunday prompt this week is the letter “F” which got me thinking of things beginning with “f”…. of course there were the obvious ones, fucking, fornicate, flashing, fingering…. but I didn’t want to even try to do something with those!

In the end I picked furbabies because my cats are special to me and I like to play with editing software. You can see the image Here.

But I did get stuck on the word favourite too.

In particular something that Purplesole said recently. That you buy loads of toys and then end up with loads you don’t like. Well I completely agree with him. We have loads that just don’t do it for me at all, for one reason or another. Sometimes it’s the shape, texture or feel of them, sometimes it’s the way they vibrate. I’ve sent things back to lovehoney because I’ve disliked them so much (they have an excellent customer satisfaction policy).

But of our usual vibration toys which is my favourite? A while ago I would have said promises…. but since the Doxy entered our collection it’s become my firm favourite. That magic wand can bring me to orgasm in less than 60 seconds ….

My favourite impact implement is MrH’s hand closely followed by the cane. We haven’t used the screamer (below) or the floggers enough for me to really say where they are but I enjoy them both.

But my absolute favourite thing is MrH’s cock and if it’s inside me (mouth, pussy, arse) I’m happy, but we do have the clone we made too so I do get to have the best of both as it were and MrH can double penetrate me 😊😊. I think we may make more clones in the future as we have talked about remaking it (we could do better) as this one is rough round the edges so to speak and also try to make some sort of double penetrating clone that MrH can operate with one hand. I mean how awesome would that be? Every hole filled by MrH….. heaven!

Add the doxy and there you have my favourite fantasy

I guess I just have to hope my favourites and MrH’s are the same 😊