Posted in D/s Experiences, Hotel Play Dates, Life in General

2 more sleeps

It’s getting closer, our night away…. my mask has arrived… I will be wearing this for the photos so MrH can share them online if he wishes without revealing our identities. I am also allowed to wear it while I masterbate if I feel more comfortable. I’m not sure at the moment if I will or not. I think because it’s not something I would normally wear it may work to make me more uncomfortable and self conscious..

I’ve found over 30 pin up girl poses (thank you FC for the tip) and MrH is happy with my research.

Bye for now 😊

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Posted in 18+, D/s Experiences, Hotel Play Dates, rules

3 more sleeps

On Saturday MrH and I are going to our favourite hotel for a night away.

He wrote me an email to tell me his plans. Something he’s not done before, well obviously he’s sent me emails, but not like this one…

MrH has given me an itinerary, and I’m pretty sure he’s done this because he knows I’ve been freaking out a bit, so here’s how my Saturday is looking:

  1. MrH will take photos
  2. I will masterbate for MrH
  3. I will be spanked as a reward for completing task 2, and
  4. I will be allowed to give MrH oral til climax
  5. Evening meal
  6. MrH will do some rope bondage
  7. Sleep

I’m really looking forward to it as you can imagine…. it’s like my Christmas is come early. I’m also nervous about task 2, but motivated not only to please Sir but also for my rewards…

I also have to research pin up poses for the photo shoot…. so I better get on with that 😊

Take care 😊

Posted in Life in General

2am

It’s 2am. I’m awake. Not good.

Our eldest son who’s almost 25 recently told me he’s still struggling with depression and feelings of self harm. Although I’ve got him to the medical professionals I don’t know if he’s actually attended any of the follow up appointments, and he refuses medication.

What has this got to do with me being awake? I came home from work today and assumed he was at work, and that he would be home around 11.

It’s now 2am. He isn’t home.

I’ve messaged him and he informs me he’s gone 50 miles away visiting friends he went to university with. He feels he shouldn’t have to tell me where he’s going.

I’ve tried to explain that I’m worried about him. I’ve explained I don’t sleep until I know he’s safely home. Having lived away from home for 4 years he’s used to not being answerable to anyone. He’s used to being independent.

I just don’t know what to do. How do I stop worrying?

Posted in submissive fiction

I am yours – A Lesson.

As usual MrH is home before me. I can see the light in the living room has been turned on and a shadow moving inside. I pull the car onto the driveway and turn off the engine. My heart is already racing. I check the handbrake is on, undo my seatbelt, and, grabbing my bag from the passenger seat I get out of the car.

The front door is still locked, so I retrieve my key from my coat pocket and unlock the door. The two cats rush into the Hall way to greet me.

“Hello my babies,” I greet them, bending down to fuss Jack for a few moments, he’s so affectionate, unlike Bella who glares at me as she scratches the post. I look around for MrH. He appears in the kitchen doorway.

‘Good you’re home, I’m ready to get changed,” he says. I put down my bag on the floor and head straight upstairs. I haven’t removed my shoes, I mentally kick myself I usually take them straight off but I wasted time fussing Jack. I will be uncomfortable.

I walk into the bedroom and turn on the light, I quickly walk to the little window and draw the curtains. MrH has reached the doorway, and I hurriedly cross to the larger window and draw those curtains also. I stand with my head down, hands by my side, waiting.

MrH stands before me. I can see his feet and I know he’s looking me over. “You didn’t remove you’re shoes when you got in,” It’s not a question, but I sense his annoyance. “Is it more important to you to greet the cats than to please me?”

“No Sir” I reply, keeping my eyes down.

“Hmmm,” he says, his tone conveys his disappointment. “You will not undress me today, you do not deserve the privilege.”

My hear sinks. He’s right of course. I know I am to remove my shoes as soon as I arrive home. If MrH requires me to kneel he prefers me to be barefoot, and he does not want to wait for me. “Remove your shoes and kneel in your place. Keep your eyes down, and put your ands behind your back.” He gives these instructions, as he sits on the bed so I can pass him. The disappointment in his voice cuts me. I move to my place, at the foot of the bed, and remove my shoes as quickly as I can. I put them under the bed so no one will trip on them and kneel, as instructed, keeping my head down. I miss his eyes. He knows that being forbidden to look at him, to see the love he has for me in his eyes hurts me, but I have disappointed him and he is right to punish me.

I can hear him undressing. He tosses something on the floor next to me. His shirt. “Put it in the basket and return to your place,” His voice is soft and emotionless. I grab the shirt and as quickly as I can stand and go to the basket on the landing. I keep my eyes down as I return to the room and return to my kneeling place. My knees protest as I kneel.

“Come and hang my trousers in the wardrobe,” my knees are not impressed, they have just settled, but I welcome the discomfort, I wouldn’t be kneeling if I hadn’t disappointed Sir. I stand, stiffly and without looking at him, retrieve the trousers and open the wardrobe door. I fold the trousers smoothing them so the creases are sharp and pick a trouser hanger. I slide the trousers into place on the hanger and hang into the wardrobe closing the door.

I am half way turned, to return to my kneeling place when MrH says, “stay there.” And so I remain facing him, eyes down. “I do not come second to the cats Sweetgirl. When you come home you know what you are to do. I do not expect to have to repeat this. Do you understand?” I nod without speaking. “Remove your clothes.”

I get undressed quietly and quickly, folding the clothes ready for the basket. MrH has opened the wardrobe and is removing something from the kinky bag. I am stood naked and he glances over his shoulder, “Good, come here and bend over the bed.”

I can’t see what MrH has removed from the bag, his body conceals it from view, and I still dare not raise my eyes. I move to the place he indicated and bend over. I’m nervous, MrH has never punished me physically before. Has he got the crop or paddle? How many times will he spank me? I can feel myself getting anxious and I try to calm myself. It doesn’t matter. It’s up to Sir, and he only does this to teach me. I feel something wet against my ass, lube? My mind stops. I’ve misunderstood his plans. I am not to be spanked. But surely Sir is not going to take me anally – that would be a gift not a punishment. Confusion floods though me, as heat and desire make me wet. “Oh no Sweetgirl you will not be gifted. Relax for me,” he speaks softly but firmly, I feel a slight pressure, and I relax for him, as he firmly inserts… the but plug. It’s the but plug. “Now stand and put your pyjamas on. You will wear this the rest of the day. It will serve to remind you of your failure.” I stand and get my pyjamas out of the drawer. As I get dressed MrH continues to speak, “had the kids not been in you would have spent the evening naked. Remember that. Now come here.”

I am in my pyjamas and I move so I’m standing in front of him. I can feel the but plug. “Look at me,” he said. I raise my eyes. I’m so sorry to have disappointed him. His eyes are filled with love for me and I am filled with shame. “You May speak.”

“I’m sorry Sir to have disappointed you. Thank you for teaching me.”

MrH smiles and pulls me into his arms. I feel him kiss my forehead. “Who’s are you?” He asks me.

I feel the calm settle over me, he wants me still, he loves me. I speak my reply into his chest, “I am yours.”

Posted in D/s Experiences

Feeling disconnected

There are times when I feel like I ‘need’ MrH to push me into feeling submissive. This usually coincides with times when our bedroom play has been limited.

Background:

Our children are not children anymore at 24 and 19 (sorry for those followers who already know that) and MrH and I have no intention of them being aware of our D/s relationship, or the BDSM elements that we experiment with and/or enjoy.

That means that when they are at home and awake our play can be severely restricted. Recently our 19 year old “heard” MrH spanking me, and he came out of his bedroom to ask if the sounds were coming from our room.

MrH is planning to start exploring rope bondage but doesn’t want to have the situation occur where the kids want our attention and I’m in odd positions. I guess if he’s able to lie me down and put the quilt over me it may look like I am just in bed, but these interruptions do spoil the mood.

My submission

So for the last week MrH hasn’t played with me. What? Just a week I hear you say? Get back to me when he’s been away for months!!! Suck it up. I’m feeling – almost disconnected. Not necessarily from MrH, because we still snuggle and do our daily rituals, more from my submissive mental state.

When MrH plays with me, I float away from my body and loose myself in him. I’m his, that’s all I know, I’ll be and do what ever he asks of me, as long as I can keep floating.

Having not had that for the last week – I just don’t feel quite right.

Solution

I don’t know.

I’ve read about feeding submission, but how? Being new to this I’m floundering, and I’ve discussed it with MrH his morning and asked him if he can think of anything to help me. I don’t know what he may come up with or even if he fully knows what I am feeling to be able to help.

Help?

So I’m asking my followers:

Subs: have you felt this and how do you deal with it?

Dominants: have you seen your subs experience this and how did you deal with it?

Posted in D/s Experiences, Life in General

Separation Anxiety

Every few weeks MrH has to provide on call cover, and that week he has to work on the Saturday in the office. I hate that week.

I miss him. I feel lost. I’m without focus and I get anxious.

When I’m anxious, I eat.

This week I decided to try and keep myself busy. I had a couple of strategies to help me, they were

1. Cross stitching. Providing my ginger cat will let me.

2. Do the laundry. Now I always do this on a Saturday, but my plan today was to wash the clothes and iron them as soon as they are dried. Therefore keeping me more occupied.

How did it go… actually quite well. MrH is on his way home. I’ve done 6 loads of laundry and ironed everything as it dried. There’s still one load in the dryer and one waiting to go in that contains ironing. The rest are just towels. So that’s good.

I’ve managed to do some of the cross stitch too. The cats both investigated the frame and fabric which is to be expected but they didn’t attack the threads which was making the task completely impossible a few years ago.

In fact MrH has just arrived home and I haven’t had a single anxious episode today.

That ladies and gents is a win!

Posted in 18+, submissive fiction

Date night – part 2

I held my breath, trying to keep as still as possible. The door opens slowly, I can hear it brushing the carpet. There’s a creak as he steps into the room, followed by a click as the door shuts. There are butterflies rioting in my stomach and a tightening in my groin. I realise I still haven’t released the breath I was holding and I realise it’s getting uncomfortable, so I gently breathe out. I hear a chuckle behind me.

“Holding your breath? Are you exited too?” I know he’s stood right behind me, his breath is warm against my shoulder and neck as he speaks. I feel his fingers on my spine, moving down, vertebrae by vertebrae. “You’ve done well. Exactly as you were instructed. I was watching you. I saw you get out of the car and straighten your jacket. I watched you walk to the reception desk, you must practice walking in your high shoes, you wobble, and I don’t want you hurting yourself.” His hand has reached the base of my spine. My mind is swirling, I want to hear him but as his hand moves I’m finding it difficult to think. His hand gently strokes the curve of my ass. Moving down between my legs, “Good,” he breaths against my neck, as his fingers find the wetness there. “You’re ready for me but you must have patience.”

He’s stepped away from me, I can feel the absence of his body heat, and my nipples harden as I become aware of the cold.

“Hmmm it’s cold in here” I hear him say and I picture him opening the temperature control panel and adjusting the controls. “I am impressed. I know you like to talk. I know it must have been difficult at the reception desk but you didn’t hesitate. You followed my instructions perfectly.” I can hear him moving around the room as he speaks. A zip being opened, and I can hear things being placed on the dresser. My pulse quickens, I wonder what toys he’s brought with him. I wonder what he has planned. I want to speak, to ask him. I want to tell him how glad I am to see him, not that I can see him with my eyes shut.

“Are you ready?” He’s asking me and he knows I want to answer. “You have made me very happy. I hate to punish you like this,” he’s behind me again, “but you must learn that I will not permit you to answer back and disrespect me. Do you think you have learned your lesson?” I nod my head. He strokes my ass with his right hand, “Then, my sweet, you can speak again.”

I run my tongue over my lips, my mouth has gone dry, I don’t know if I can speak, it’s been 24 hours since I said anything to anyone.

His lips gently kiss my neck, “are you ready?” He whispers as his hand continues to stroke my ass.

“Yes Sir”

“Good” he replies, “place your hands on the wall.” His hand leaves my ass and I momentarily feel disappointed, until I feel the soft fabric against my face, he’s putting on a blindfold. He secures it behind my head. His hand returns to my ass, stroking firmly, “do you remember your safe words?” I nod. “Then let’s begin”

Posted in 18+, submissive fiction

Date night

I approached the reception desk nervously and waited for the receptionist to look up.

“Hello. Welcome to The Groves, are you checking in?” she asked pleasantly with a welcoming smile. I passed her the envelope. I did not speak. She took it and looked at it with a puzzled expression. The envelope had ‘FAO Reception’ written on it and so she opened it, glancing at me as she did. She extracted the paper from inside the envelope and unfolded it. She began to read, looking at me as she did. I was impressed, truly, her smile never faltered, and for a moment I wondered if she had painted it on.

She picked up the phone and pressed some numbers, after a few moments someone answered and she asked if they would come to reception. She must be calling the manager. What was written in the letter? I didn’t know. My instructions were to arrive at 2:15pm, which I had done, and to hand the letter to reception. Oh and I wasn’t allowed to talk. That would teach me to answer back I guess.

A man arrived, and the receptionist stepped back from the desk, taking the letter with her to show him.

“What should I do?” She was asking him and she moved away, and they were speaking so quietly I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I did hear the odd word as the receptionist kept looking back at me… “deaf…..mute….later…..second key….room” The manager shrugged, nodded and returned to the desk with her. “Here’s your room key,” he said very slowly enunciating each word – he must think I can lip read I thought. So I smiled. “You are in room 3, 0, 1,” he paused between each number and pointed to the number on the keycard. I must have looked confused because he repeated, “301?” And pointed to the signs on the wall that directed guests to the various floors and rooms. I smiled and picked up the key and my bag.

The room was on the 3rd floor, the top floor, and I opted to take the stairs. The movement would help calm my nerves that were once again making themselves known. I wondered what awaited me. My instructions said I would receive a text when I was in the room.

I was finally at the 3rd floor, I pulled the door open and looked at the signs, the room was to the left and so I headed down the corridor. The first door I came to on my left was 311 so I continued to walk, the doors on the right hand side were even numbers so 301 would be on the left. I past several doors, finally I arrived at 301. I put the keycard in the door and when the light went green I removed the card and opened the door.

As I pushed the door open and went inside I heard my phone beep, a message. Excitement fluttered in my stomach. I put the bag on the floor, shut the door and removed the phone from my pocket. There was a new text message.

I will arrive shortly, prepare yourself, use the facilities if you require it, then remove your clothes and stand facing the wall, arms by your side, feet shoulder width apart. Keep your eyes closed.

I did as I had been instructed, showering quickly and relieving myself. I made sure my clothes were neatly folded and stood by the wall. The room was not uncomfortable although I could feel that I was naked. I considered adjusting the temperature but reconsidered. I didn’t want to get into trouble. The minutes passed. It seemed like forever before I heard the lift door open, and I strained to hear if someone was coming to the door. There were faint footsteps. Then I heard it, the card sliding into the lock…


I thought we could have a bit of fun …. I invite you to write what happens next… I’ve tried to be gender neutral above so ‘I’ could be male or female… you decide ….

I look forward to reading your ideas 😊

Posted in D/s Experiences, Life in General

Exhausted

I don’t sleep well.

Or should I say, the pain meds intake sometimes stop me from sleeping. Last night was one of those nights. I was still awake at 3am so I’m heading off to work on about 2 hours sleep.

Which will make today challenging to say the least.

I lay in bed next to MrH and listen to him breathe, his breaths are deep and steady, reassuring. I’m exactly where I want to be. The issues at work have settled, I wasn’t going over things in my head, but last night I would drop off for about 10 mins then wake up. So basically not asleep long enough to get to the restorative sleep level.

When I feel tired like this my submission is easier, I don’t want to be able to control anything. My brain drops to the default setting of ‘instructions required in order to operate’ sometimes I feel like a coin operated machine …. if no instructions are inserted I’ll remain off.

But I have to go to work where I have to make decisions and operate to a high level. Yes indeed, it’s going to be an interesting day.

I’m getting ready and I’m already counting down to home time… counting down to walking in and returning to Sweetgirl mode, where MrH can take control of me and I can be at peace.

Posted in D/s Experiences, Life in General

Sanctuary

I have a pretty boring life, honestly, I’m not joking… I work in an office from 9am to 5pm, and I have 2 cats..

We live in a 3 bed semi detached house on an estate. It’s a nice enough house don’t get me wrong and we are happy here…But, if MrH and I could run off to the middle of nowhere (providing the couriers/postal services can get there at least once or twice a month) I would be blissfully happy. And I think MrH would be too.

I’ve been stressed out at work lately and so when I leave at 5, and I start the drive home I start to relax. I know I’ll soon be back to MrH and his arms.

I can’t wait to be under his control. To follow his commands. To kneel at his feet with my head on his knee (if I’m lucky) or to be curled at his side on the sofa (if I’m really lucky).

There’s a calm that comes over me when I walk through the door and see him. I don’t know how MrH feels about coming home to me, but to me, it’s my sanctuary.